| Elizabeth Kubler Ross wrote about the five stages of | | | | have to take him? Here is a man who contributed so |
| catastrophic loss in her book," On Death and Dying". | | | | much to life, to other people, to me. How could you do |
| While she was speaking to the terminally ill patient, | | | | this to me, Lord? |
| most people have found that the stages she defines | | | | BARGAINING, Now here comes the bargaining. I've got |
| work as well for almost any kind of grief. | | | | a good idea, Lord. Why don't you take some of the |
| While people argue as to whether these stages are | | | | terrorists and leave my friend? How about Bin Laden |
| really true for a person in grief, and while the whole | | | | or al Zakowi for starters? I can give them up real |
| issue of loss is quite complex, for myself I have found | | | | easily. How about taking someone older? I can think of |
| that I have indeed gone through the stages of grief | | | | few I could offer who really are no longer on their |
| and often more than once for the same loss. In some | | | | mental game. My friend's time was so short here on |
| cases I don't know that I have ever come to a | | | | earth, and he's sharp as a tack. What will his precious |
| complete reconciliation of the loss. I don't mean that I | | | | wife do without him? Take someone who doesn't |
| have carried grief to the extent I could be described | | | | have a spouse or much family. It doesn't seem fair, |
| as clinically depressed or mentally ill, but definitely I still | | | | Lord. Then you realize life and especially death aren't |
| miss the person, place or thing with an intense sense | | | | fair. Many die untimely deaths, and many great people |
| of loss. | | | | die young or relatively young, and many cads and neer |
| I have found it helpful to look at the five stages with | | | | do wells live to be old. Does it help to realize this about |
| every kind of loss to understand how I am dealing with | | | | loss, deprivation and death? Sometimes I struggle with |
| the misfortune. There are so many types of loss as | | | | the mysteries of loss here, but now we do see |
| we deal with grief in the devotional. Everyday events | | | | through a glass darkly. |
| such as moving, weddings, change in jobs, loss of a | | | | DEPRESSION, Ok, nothing works here. I'm powerless. I'll |
| pet, graduations, broken dreams, broken homes, | | | | never see him again. I think I'll watch TV 24 hours a |
| bankruptcy, loss of youth divorce...all cause grief. | | | | day. Life can be too painful. It may never get better. I |
| Tragedies like critical illness, accident, natural disasters, | | | | always throw in a bit of, "How can you do this to me, |
| handicaps and acts of terrorism expose us to | | | | Lord?" Notice here I have given very little thought to |
| overwhelming grief. The process of grieving has many | | | | what his wife, my dearest friend, is going through. Ah, |
| faces. | | | | she's doing ok. She has wonderful kids to comfort her. |
| Recently, one of our married male friends died. My | | | | My husband and I just have each other here. I know |
| husband and I were very close to them as a couple. | | | | there's something wrong and depressing with my logic, |
| We traveled with them, always spent New Year's | | | | but I'm grieving. |
| Eve going to a dinner theater. We enjoyed many | | | | ACCEPTANCE, One day I talked with my husband |
| activities together. They were our best friends. I went | | | | and realized we both were thinking of our friend, the |
| to see him at home where hospice was taking care of | | | | wife, as dead too. My husband said, "You know we |
| him. He was very sick, thin and pale. I think the stages | | | | can still ask Barb to come with us. Maybe she won't or |
| of grief began for me then. | | | | can't yet, but there's no reason why we shouldn't ask." |
| DENIAL, As a Christian, although I didn't say it in the | | | | It went through my mind, "Phil is gone. He's really gone. |
| latter days, I was still hoping and praying that he would | | | | But we have to go on without him, still try to enjoy life |
| be healed. I do believe in healing, but I also know that, | | | | and celebrate, just as he did." Then I remembered how |
| for each of us, there is an appointed hour to die. It was | | | | much he really loved life and enjoyed almost every |
| indeed selfish. We so enjoyed ourselves with them, I | | | | minute. What an inspiration! It made me realize too that |
| simply couldn't imagine life without him. I could not admit | | | | it is alright to remember, especially when you have so |
| to myself that this was his appointed hour. At the last, | | | | many good times to remember; it is alright to toast to |
| when I saw him a few days before his death I could | | | | the good times; it is alright to know that he was at |
| see he was terminally ill. It was a rude awakening. It | | | | peace with his death and his God; it is alright to accept |
| was like being hit with a tree limb. Oh, ok, he is not | | | | that some part of every good friend remains in me as |
| going to be healed. In some ways denial had been a | | | | a Godly gift and attribute; and finally, it is alright to miss |
| protection, a hope, vain as it turned out, but a hope that | | | | him, sometimes very much because, you know what, |
| everything would be alright. | | | | his death is a very great loss. But how much better his |
| ANGER, I used to argue about this stage of grief. But | | | | very much grieved death, than that he should leave |
| there is always some anger when you lose someone | | | | this earth and no one give a darn. |
| you love. I found myself saying, "Lord, why did you | | | | |