| Do you have the tendency to ask, "Why me?" Is your | | | | Yet you do have the opportunity to ask a different |
| pity pot overflowing these days? So often we focus | | | | question other than "Why me?" |
| on lamenting why "so and so" did "such and such" or | | | | What if you asked, "Where can I look for a new job?" |
| why we're in such a quandary. It is easy to forget that | | | | or "How can I maintain my equanimity and do my job |
| the only person you can control is yourself. | | | | well even when my boss is ranting?" Or you |
| I'm just as guilty of this as you. I can remember | | | | considered, "What steps do I need to take to leave |
| spending countless amounts of time during a | | | | this relationship and find someone who values fidelity |
| particularly difficult job search complaining about how I | | | | as much as I do?" |
| couldn't land the job I wanted. I had all the credentials | | | | In either case, you are only paralyzed by victim thinking |
| but I was never first choice. Rejected yet again, I | | | | as long as you focus on the "Woe Is Me" channel. And |
| would grab some comforting Haagen Dazs, curl up in a | | | | why should you focus on "Victim am I" when you can |
| wingback and lament, "Why me?" | | | | affirm, "Victor am I"??!! |
| I felt like a victim. I walked like a victim. I talked like a | | | | I always feel inspired when I think about Immaculee |
| victim. Hey, I even thought about getting "Victim" | | | | Ilibagiza, the young woman who lost most of her family |
| tattooed on my left calf. (Okay, I'm kidding on the last | | | | in the 1994 Rwandan genocide and yet has focused |
| one but you get the point.) I was addicted to | | | | her efforts on working for the United Nations and |
| victimhood. | | | | writing her moving autobiography, Left to Tell: |
| There really should be a 12-step program, MA (Martyrs | | | | Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust. |
| Anonymous) for those of us who think drama isn't just | | | | She's had every reason to be bitter, but instead has |
| for soap operas. We could find, like so many folks | | | | chosen the path of personal accountability, asking, |
| involved in 12-step programs, that we are addicted to | | | | "What can I do to improve this situation?" and "How |
| negativity and our oh-so-sad scripts. | | | | can I forgive those who killed my family and spread a |
| This is an expensive addiction. It costs you friends, it | | | | message of survival and hope?" |
| costs you fun, it costs you freedom and happiness. | | | | Or think of the Dalai Lama whose people have been |
| Wouldn't it be a lot more productive and fulfilling to | | | | persecuted by the Chinese for decades and yet he |
| change the channel of your life? Okay, hold up your | | | | refers to the Chinese with the same love and |
| hand, would you? Imagine that you've got a remote | | | | compassion as he does native Tibetans. One of his |
| control in your hand. (Yes, YOU'VE got it, not your | | | | basic tenets is that we all want happiness and do not |
| irritating channel-changing spouse!) | | | | want suffering. Though exiled from his country, the |
| Let's check together. Do you have your channel set to | | | | Dalai Lama chooses to affirm the essential sameness |
| "Woe is me?" Are you addicted to negative thinking | | | | and goodness of all people in spite of appearances or |
| and hashing out over and over all the things that THEY | | | | what "THEY" did to him and his people. |
| did to you or THEY said to you or THEY caused in | | | | Listen, you have choices every moment of your life. |
| your life? | | | | You can take responsibility for what is in your power |
| Please note: I am not ignoring the fact that there are | | | | and be response-able, able to respond proactively to |
| victimizers aplenty in our world, people who commit | | | | whatever or whoever threatens to undermine your |
| heinous crimes, betray us, cause us pain and misery, | | | | peace of mind or security. Or you can turn our channel |
| and try to quell our creative spirits. But after all is said | | | | to "Woe is me," curl up in a corner somewhere, and |
| and done, how often do we let them take up | | | | lament/whine/complain/judge who or what is wreaking |
| residence in our brains? How long will you let your | | | | havoc in your life. |
| focus be on what was "done" to you instead of what | | | | What choice do you think will get the results YOU |
| you can do? | | | | want? Which channel do you need to change in |
| Let's give a couple of examples. If your boss is | | | | YOUR life? And how long will you victimize |
| verbally abusive, you cannot change her behavior nor | | | | YOURSELF with "Why me? |
| can you change the past infidelity of a straying spouse. | | | | |