| ((Washington High School, as told by a Schoolmate) | | | | I expected to here violent outrage, from her, but she |
| (fall, 1966)) | | | | was with gentleness, and I almost died, wanting to here |
| As told by a Schoolmate | | | | what she had to say, all us at the school had talked on |
| From a little after the abortion until almost the middle of | | | | Catalina's abortion, in one way or another. No one |
| fall, now in school, at Washington High School, off Rice | | | | wronged her for what she did, at least to her face. |
| Street, near Maryland, during these chilled days of | | | | Yes, save for Miss Gardner, Cantina, would perhaps |
| October, Catherine O'Day (better known as Cantina | | | | still be at that window looking at those sparrows. She |
| sat in what Miss Hildegard Kremer, librarian, who had | | | | said: |
| attended the University of Alabama) as often as | | | | Miss Gardner |
| Cantina could, sat in that dim hot airless library room | | | | A Crucial Answer |
| with blinds wide open and fastened tightly as for the | | | | "There is not a specific commandment against |
| students not to close them, because that light and | | | | infanticide, or abortion, anymore than we have laws |
| unmoving air carried heat, and she didn't like to be cool, | | | | against wife killing, it is one commandment, and it |
| and that as the sun shone wider and hotter on that | | | | covers all killings; although I'm sure those having the |
| side of the building, less students seemed to come in, | | | | abortions, or in support of it, have created one. The |
| bothered by the sun's rays, and heat, especially in the | | | | question begs to be answered, is it forgivable? And |
| summer and spring months. The shelves were still full | | | | I've already told you it is, but in your disparity, where |
| of dust, and cobwebs, they had drifted inward in back | | | | does the child go? If I tell you, do not take it as a |
| of the books and above the books, and chips of old | | | | license to have another abortion. For as you know, |
| dried-up paint, that the wind-had the wind had a | | | | there are arguments in favor of abortion, as well as |
| chance, had Miss Gardner opened up those windows, | | | | the opposite. And this is a biblical answer for you, not a |
| would have perhaps shifted about some. Outside the | | | | way out for future responsibility; as some would use it |
| window was a large pine tree, its truck like iron ore, its | | | | for legitimately use it for, to destroy more life. They |
| branches extended outward as if it had fingers (in | | | | use the concept of Genesis 2:7, that the baby is not |
| particularly this one), and this certain one, appeared to | | | | human until it draws its first breath. This normally is the |
| have its own torso in-between its beginning and end. | | | | so called religious-for the nonreligious argument, that of |
| Sparrows came often to settle and gossip on that old | | | | course is stretching the obvious, you see Cantina, and |
| thick branch, they had a nest someplace above that | | | | the fetus is not 'inanimate matter.' Case closed; but I |
| branch. The tree was near as tall as the three story | | | | shall make more of it. We see also in Exodus 21, 'Eye |
| building. They'd fly on and off of that branch, randomly, | | | | for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot...' if |
| all day long; it was-looked like anyhow, a meeting place, | | | | this is the case and if those folks want to used the Old |
| a safe haven. | | | | Testament, then they are in for a part of this ruling: |
| Miss Gardner lived in white and black cloths, which she | | | | 'burning for burning, wound for would, (and) stripe for |
| worn for eternity it seemed to us students. She was in | | | | stripe.' And let me add to that, in Jeremiah chapter one, |
| her late forties. She never spoke of a dead or past | | | | God tells Jeremiah to write: 'Before I formed thee in |
| husband, children, sister or brother, not a | | | | the belly I knew thee...' It would be silly, would it not, for |
| boyfriend-like-husband, either. We all figured at the | | | | God to form non-persons in the womb? And did you |
| school though, she had a mother and father, everyone | | | | know, God consecrated Jeremiah as a prophet while |
| gets one of those. And Cantina, my best of best | | | | he was in the womb (Jeremiah 1:5) So if you are |
| friends, and a friend to many of us at school, she just | | | | asking me indirectly, if you did right or wrong, you |
| sat there by that window, where the sparrows met, | | | | already know that answer; and as you're father said |
| straight upright, in those straight hard-rock like chairs, | | | | to you '...it's not the unpardonable sin,' but neither is it a |
| her legs rigid as if they were made out of that same | | | | license to destroy more life. For the second part of |
| iron ore the pine tree was made out of, and her ankles | | | | your question, 'Where is the child?' |
| resting on another chair to the side of her, the floor | | | | "First of all we know that God said to King David 'You |
| shinning from wax, over waxed, and talking-no, more | | | | are a man after my own heart.' We can assume by |
| like mumbling to herself, in a grim tired voice, wondering | | | | this, they had a close relationship. Second, King David |
| if her dead infant was in hell or heaven, or someplace | | | | answers a question-or a few questions-about his own |
| in-between, self-puzzled, and now the short-dead, no | | | | child who has died, and he answers it this way: |
| longer was an object, it was a baby, more important | | | | 'Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he will |
| now than in that near indomitable past, while in her | | | | not return to me.' So upon King David's death, he |
| world of frustration, so it appeared to us. | | | | expects to see his infant child, and we all know he's |
| Quiet, safe, out of the reach of humanity, there she | | | | not headed for Hell. He also is told, 'While the child was |
| sat, dreamy in that dominant sun-dust room, day after | | | | alive, you fasted and wept; but when the child died, you |
| day after day-whenever she could, even after school | | | | arose and ate food.' He knew where the child was, |
| hours. | | | | and Jesus tells us to become like children, innocent: |
| I was standing by a shelf of books behind Cantina, she | | | | 'Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and |
| was sitting in her usual place, Miss Gardner knew I | | | | become like children, you shall not enter the kingdom of |
| would over hear, and that her words would not simply | | | | heaven.' All this tells us, children of no formal reasoning |
| vanish, and we never thought of her as sweet and | | | | who die before there time, as in abortion, is with God in |
| oversweet, more on the unsmiling savage, quiet, sun | | | | heaven-presently." |
| impacted, near distilled, kind of an embattle woman, until | | | | As I listened to Miss Gardner-and I knew now, Cantina |
| today-about the faint laced of light shinning on Cantina's | | | | was feeling better, she was smiling: only she doesn't |
| face, that wrangled face, a crucified child she said: | | | | mean that, I thought. She's saying it, because she |
| "Don't guilt yourself too much. God doesn't. God | | | | wants it told. It was early morning-and whatever was |
| forgives and forgets and cares for your little one, King | | | | the truth, I wanted to thank her for saying it anyhow, I |
| David confirmed that Biblically." | | | | really loved Cantina, but I didn't understand everything |
| And then out of the long silence, like a stream, a trickle | | | | she was saying anyways. And then she was handed |
| of rain cam from her eyes, she looked up at Miss | | | | a note by one of the office secretaries, asking her to |
| Gardner, her face was like a ghost, a pale shadowy | | | | call and see someone in the office. It looked like a |
| haunted face, she had, the voice which now echoed, | | | | quaint, stuffy informal request, more like a summons. |
| ran through her body (woman-God-demon) all at once. | | | | And then I found out later, as we all found out later, a |
| They both were now immobile. In her long | | | | teacher from biology was listening behind a book |
| astonishment, "How do you know that?" said Cantina. | | | | rack-unseen or unnoticed of course, no one knew, and |
| And Miss Gardner knew I was listening, suddenly the | | | | due to this, she was never seen of again at |
| large big library, that seemed miles long, now tranquil, | | | | Washington High, the biology teacher was a substitute |
| soundless, nothing but light and heat and breathing | | | | teacher I heard, because I never recognized her when |
| could be heard, "Let me explain my view on the | | | | I saw her walking the halls: her character was cold, |
| matter of your abortion, knowing so well, how young | | | | implacable, and even ruthless. For a second, I had |
| people are deceived, if that is okay with you? It seems | | | | imagined her not there, as if her mother had an |
| that a certain demon has named you his quest for | | | | abortion. |
| 1966. Strange isn't it." | | | | |