| Are you suspicious of your loved one's loyalty? Do | | | | their frustrations in other waysfor example, by gaining |
| you sometimes think about having an affair? Are you | | | | weight, not keeping their agreements, overspending, |
| feeling guilty for having extra-marital relationships? | | | | withholding affection, nagging, or being verbally or |
| According to the statistics, if you answered "yes" to | | | | physically abusive. |
| any of the above, you are not alone. Reports indicate | | | | Ironically, I find that all the men and women had the |
| that 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will | | | | same wants and needs but were not able to identify |
| be unfaithful to their partner. It takes a lot more than | | | | or express them. In fact, we can make one list that |
| love to prevent infidelity and maintain a fulfilling | | | | applies to both partners. The following letter can help |
| relationship. | | | | you constructively communicate what you probably |
| As a Marriage, Family therapist for over 27 years, I | | | | desire from your loving partner. |
| often heard about my clients' secret lovers. I was very | | | | Dear Love |
| successful in helping them uncover the causes of their | | | | Please: |
| behavior, resolve their issues, and forgive each other. | | | | 1. Treat me as you would your best friend. That helps |
| Whenever a client shared with me that he or she was | | | | me know that you like and love me. |
| having an affair, my first response was to ask, "If you | | | | 2. Spend quality time with me. That helps me feel I'm |
| could have with your partner what you are receiving | | | | important to you. |
| from your lover, would you end your affair?" The | | | | 3. Compliment and appreciate me. That helps me feel |
| answer from practically every guilt-ridden client was, | | | | acknowledged and then I want to continue to please |
| "Yes." In fact, there was a sign of great relief on each | | | | you. |
| of their faces as they entertained the thought that | | | | 4. Release your anger constructively and then tell me |
| they could receive what they wanted from their | | | | calmly what you're angry about and if you feel hurt or |
| husband, wife, or partner. | | | | scared. Then we can resolve the issue and both feel |
| As you can see, infidelity is a symptom and not the | | | | good. |
| cause of relationship problems. It is a wake-up call to | | | | 5. Help me solve our problems with win-win solutions. |
| identify and resolve any issues that are hurting the | | | | Then we can maintain a healthy relationship. |
| intimate connection. With a process I developed, | | | | 6. Be affectionate and tell me you love me. That helps |
| HART, which stands for Holistic And Rapid | | | | me feel lovable and loving. |
| Transformation, I helped the men and women discover | | | | 7. Continue to seek excitement, fun, and the magic of |
| what they found lacking with their spouses and were | | | | life with me. Then we can maintain a fantastic |
| seeking in others. Once they were clear, I invited their | | | | relationship. |
| partners in for a couple session to help them resolve | | | | Thank you for hearing me. I love you! |
| their issues. | | | | Experiencing the above positive behaviors with your |
| Ninety-nine percent of the time, I discovered that the | | | | loving partner can prevent infidelity and help you |
| spouses also felt discontented in the relationship. They | | | | maintain a fulfilling, loyal relationship. There is no need to |
| too were having a secret affair, or were expressing | | | | look elsewhere when you have what you desire. |