| Even though by historical standards opera is | | | | auditorium with good acoustics, in which the |
| a very young art genre (as opposed to, say, | | | | unrepentant pedant will be forced to take in |
| theatre or painting), the amount of nonsense | | | | day and night, FOREVER, a repertoire |
| that has been said, written, and published | | | | consisting exclusively of operas that include |
| about it over the past two centuries truly | | | | countertenors and/or High F's. |
| defies imagination. At least eight different | | | | |
| conflicting OFFICIAL opinions exist on any | | | | (Let me explain. I'm not merely an artist, |
| and all of its aspects; whenever an expert | | | | critic, or connoisseur; I'm an epicurean as |
| opens his or her mouth to utter a comment, | | | | well. I have an EXTREMELY LOW BOREDOM |
| ten others jump at the commentator's throat | | | | THRESHOLD. Seriously, I do. I absolutely HATE |
| ... No. Not really. As it is with pretty much | | | | being bored. I cannot stand it. Boredom to me |
| everything today, opera commentary has become | | | | is unbelievable spiritual and mental torture. |
| politically correct, i.e. vague and | | | | There is exactly ONE composer of note who |
| uncertain, lest someone should take offence; | | | | employs ONE countertenor part in ONE of his |
| so much so that it is taken as a matter of | | | | operas, and the opera is not a very good one, |
| course that folks who ask straight questions | | | | either. There is exactly ONE opera by a |
| are amateurs while those who provide | | | | notable composer that features a High F, and |
| straight, to the point answers are | | | | that opera is BORING. I go to the opera to be |
| ignoramuses. Straight answers are an | | | | moved and entertained; I purchase recordings |
| endangered species facing extinction. | | | | that I know will move and entertain me. You |
| | | | couldn't pay me enough to endure three acts |
| This would be comical if it weren't so | | | | of BORING music, no matter how many important |
| detrimental to opera. | | | | and reputable folks have praised it and built |
| | | | their careers around it. My taste, my ear, my |
| Constantly complaining about the "lack of new | | | | perception are, to the best of my knowledge, |
| blood," opera's powers-that-be and their | | | | pretty standard; from which I conclude that |
| voluntary assistants with music school | | | | since, after taking in two thousand live |
| diplomas and insecurity complexes make every | | | | operatic performances of all kinds, I still |
| effort to confuse, rather than enlighten, the | | | | find Bellini's operas tedious (and Debussy's, |
| newcomer. | | | | and Berlioz's, and Berg's, too), so will |
| | | | thousands of others potential opera buffs. To |
| At one of our recent live seminars, as | | | | expose a novice to a tedious piece FIRST is |
| Ricardo was busy elucidating types of | | | | to turn him or her away from opera forever. |
| operatic voices for an eager audience | | | | My rhetorical question to every operatic |
| consisting mostly of novices, a man with a | | | | Pharisee out there goes like this. I have |
| pot belly raised an objection, proclaiming in | | | | turned countless folks into die-hard opera |
| screechy tones that the tenor was NOT the | | | | buffs. What have you done?) |
| highest male voice in opera. Ricardo | | | | |
| countered by saying that FOR ALL INTENTS the | | | | Opera as we know it is not rocket science. |
| tenor IS the highest male voice ... "And the | | | | There is so little one has to know beforehand |
| High C," interrupted the "erudite," | | | | to enjoy a GOOD opera fully that it all fits |
| continuing to flaunt his pseudo-knowledge, | | | | into the three-hour format of Ricardo's |
| "is NOT the highest note in the tenor range. | | | | "Getting Opera" Course, with time to spare |
| There are parts in operas from the | | | | (our live seminars feature |
| Seventeenth Century to the present that | | | | questions-and-answers sessions and a |
| include the High F! You're ignorant! You | | | | fifteen-minute coffee-and-cigarette break). |
| don't now what you're talking about!" | | | | Neither of us is affiliated with the opera |
| | | | industry, or music industry, in any way. |
| He continued to "demonstrate" with increasing | | | | Ricardo's opinions are entirely objective, |
| frequency how knowledgeable and superior he | | | | his expertise true, his approach honest and |
| was until finally I had to escort him out. | | | | very effective. |
| Our live seminars are pretty expensive ($60 | | | | |
| per person, locally; $200 per person when we | | | | What "Getting Opera" does is sweep away the |
| go on tour); folks flock to us to find out | | | | layers of nonsense accumulated over the past |
| how they can enjoy opera, and we absolutely | | | | two centuries: the nonsense that is put into |
| have to give them their money's worth. If you | | | | textbooks and guides, the nonsense that is |
| think your knowledge and expertise are | | | | taught in music schools and proclaimed |
| valuable and sellable, by all means, set up | | | | fatuously from the lectern; and leaves in |
| your own seminar. | | | | just what used to enable an ordinary clerk or |
| | | | factory worker in a fifth ring seat (in New |
| Anyway, the point I'm trying to make here is | | | | York, in New Orleans, in Milan, in Vienna, in |
| that the knowledge that certain tenor parts | | | | opera's heyday) to appreciate every note and |
| do in fact include that silly-sounding High | | | | every shade of harmony of the beloved |
| F, and that the countertenor does in fact | | | | operatic masterpieces. |
| sing higher than the ordinary tenor, is the | | | | |
| ultimate reward to those who insist on | | | | The entire history of opera is presented as |
| pointing such things out whenever an | | | | if it were an adventure story, with subplots, |
| opportunity presents itself. Such people | | | | intrigue, love affairs, gunfire, and callous |
| don't really enjoy, nor even care about, | | | | meddling politicians getting in the way. The |
| opera. They have no respect (never mind love) | | | | three major opera periods, which include the |
| for their fellow human beings, either. Just | | | | sixteen great operas written by five |
| as the biblical Pharisees took all joy out of | | | | composers are covered in full. The |
| religion (and annoyed Jesus and his apostles | | | | differences between the styles are thoroughly |
| every chance they got), operatic Pharisees | | | | (and humorously) explained and easily |
| today take all joy out of opera, distracting | | | | grasped. The best recordings are used to |
| and annoying those who for one reason or | | | | illustrate each point, and before you know |
| another wish to wrench it from the stifling | | | | it, you find yourself familiar with several |
| control of elitist bureaucracy and restore it | | | | opera plots (libretti). Some terminology |
| to its proper owner: the audience. If there | | | | sinks in as if by magic, so much so that the |
| is a special place in hell for the operatic | | | | listener will be able to hold his or her own |
| Pharisee, I hope it features a large | | | | in a conversation about opera - with anyone. |